I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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