Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
