does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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