he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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