She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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