walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The uberlube is also flammable
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
