I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
