every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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