Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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