When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
