Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
