last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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