Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
