Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
