...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
