Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
