Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
