girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
