Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
