Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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