I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he thought i was a dude.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
