can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
