I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
