I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
