she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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