One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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