he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
