So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
is wine microwaveable?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
