i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
