Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
