Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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