i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
