Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
