i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
