When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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