I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
