she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
