Your mouth is God's brothel.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
