he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
