i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just made my gag reflex go away.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
