somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
