And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
