my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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