dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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