we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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