Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
