Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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