I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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