yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
only if we run a train.
done.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
