i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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