just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
