Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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