6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
