This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Are we still banned from the library?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
