I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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