Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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