Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
