im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
