If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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